Residual Feelings

It's over, but something was still nagging at you. You two have decided to go their separate ways, because things just did not work out. Neither one of you could think of any good reason to continue the relationship. However, now that you're apart, you still think about him / her, you still wonder what he / she works at his / her day, yet you are his / her Facebook page to see what is happening in his / her life (his / her status, as once, in a relationship, married), or you lack to him / her under the same roof with you. May the ugly breakup, and as soon as you thought you were separated, only to be entertaining thoughts of "a good deliverance." You believe that once he had his freedom, and will celebrate not respond to him / her, the more need to clean behind him / her, or no longer have to deal with every conversation ended in a quarrel.

But now you are experiencing feelings that are confusing to you. You think you have to be crazy, because all he could think of before he brings closure to the relationship. I can not wait until it was over. However, now you feel like you can not talk to anyone about these conflicting feelings, because they will surely think you are crazy. Did not they recently had to listen to you go on and on about how unhappy you were about? Did not agree with you that the other party was not right for you, do not deserve, or could be the worst thing that ever happened? Not that we encourage you to this disastrous relationship to end? So how do you tell them that you now have a lingering feeling and expect to sympathize with you? How do you explain the fact that we sometimes miss the "worst thing that ever happened to you?" You are unhappy because they feel guilty about these conflicting feelings. You can not let this secret out, because something must be wrong with you (by you). You are sure everyone will think less of you if you mention the word "Miss" in the same sentence with someone you've ended the relationship. Well, there's an explanation and you can stop feeling like you're crazy. By the way, you have plenty of company, and just like you, they are not about to anyone about their struggles with the feelings of the rest.

The relationship (good or bad) eventually becomes part of us. What becomes of us are not always easy to dismiss the exact moment we can say that it's over. Do not be penalized because of conflicting feelings, you might feel. We all know that can not necessarily control our thoughts. We can not always help how you feel. But what we have control over the situation in most of what we do - that we take action. So, just because they are struggling with a sense of lack of another person, do not beat yourself up. However, this does not mean that they should invite him / her and take measures to get together. Those who are given these feelings will tell you that as soon as the meeting ended, they were left with a feeling of regret, blank, or a disappointment given the need to join mr. / Ms. Wrong, if only for a moment. Maybe you'll miss him / her because he / she is part of your life for whatever length of time you two were together. There was some interaction, and as a result of this interaction some bonds are formed. Connection, connection, union, there is some kind of attachment, and that is what is missing. So, when these feelings are missing him / her excited, do not be hasty and act on them. Believe it or not, your inaction is not going to kill you. If you are still struggling with a sexual attraction towards him / her, do not forget that sex is not interchangeable with love. So, if you act on sexual attraction, when the act is over, you'll still be left with feelings, memories, and the incidence of which led to the collapse in the first place.

You'll be overwhelmed with a feeling disappointed in yourself wondering how you can put yourself in that position with the same man / woman with whom you argue ferociously, the same man / woman accused worst thing that ever happened, the same man / woman you can not wait for the removal of your life. At some point, sex is not fulfilled, because sex is not necessarily the love-making. Sex can occur without a gram of sense. This can only be the work without any emotions, concerns, or her account is attached. So, if you become confused and believe that yet another tryst with him / her feel better, solve problems which were responsible for the collapse, or to satisfy their feelings of longing and / or loneliness, it is better to be prepared for temporary satisfaction. You can not get mad with him / her because you decided where you ended up having sex when you're expecting love-making or vice versa. It is up to you to be clear about what is expected as a result of your decision. If you are just going along for the sexual pleasure, this is probably what you'll get - nothing more. If you are anticipating the love-making that will result in reconciliation, you must be clear in order to give the other side a chance that the same decision that you want available to you. If you do not believe their reasons, and then stay away until you believe one or the other. We must be willing to be accountable for what our decisions. It makes everything a lot easier to fight when you're honest with yourself.

Here is how you can submit a struggle with the residual feelings. Recognize them, but do not give confidence (authority, weight, confidence) for them. Focus on the word "rest." This means that the remaining left over, etc., and you deserve better than that. When you decided it was time to move on, you want to live again and not only coexist with each other, you want to be in love with him / her and to love him / her - not only tolerates him / her and can not tolerate it / her, it was because they were ready to heal, as you would like a new beginning, a chance to matter, fulfilling, enjoyable, and passionate relationship. Thus, when the rest of feelings and begin to creep you uncomfortable, remember they are - the rest, residue, scraps, etc. With this knowledge, the fight should be all the easier. Eventually, there will be a struggle. Your patience, persistence and a refusal to act on the residual feelings of the reasons why you win.

Pamela Reaves © February 9, 2012

Pamela Reaves founder and executive director Nella LLC. She is a Certified Professional Coach, with concentrations in coaching and motivational coaching relationship. Pam is a trained coach clients in their aspirations for a healthy, happy and powerful human experience. It is also the author of a thought-provoking and powerful book, "Is it love or just ... Sick Contribution?" "Is It Love ..." published by Tate Publishing and entrepreneurship, and is very well accepted by readers as far away as Africa and Australia. Pam holds a Bachelors of Science Degree in Business Management and has over 30 years of experience and success in different corporate cultures in the area of ​​human resources, labor relations, finance, legal and real estate. Pam has appeared on numerous radio talk shows, participated in numerous radio talk shows, blog and on cable TV talk show. She is also co-host a virtual think tank, and is a prominent author and lecturer on a number of other cultural events, festivals, book fairs.